| Something to make you laugh! Love you!!! THE OUTHOUSE Once there was a little boy that lived in the country. They had to use an outhouse, and the little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer and cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the creek. One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large pole and started pushing. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away. That night his dad told him they were going to the woodshed after supper. Knowing that meant a spanking, the little boy asked why. The dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it son?" The boy answered "Yes father." Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth." The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in the cherry tree at the time." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- One clear autumn day, my daughter and I were watching skywriters advertise the opening of a new store in our area. Five planes, flying in perfect formation, spelled out the name, then flew out of sight. Right behind was another plane, flying alone. "What's that plane doing?" my daughter asked. Tongue firmly in cheek, I replied, "Spell check." ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- The man who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- CHICKEN AT A CHINESE RESTAURANT A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the "Chicken Surprise". The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast iron pot. Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around before the lid slams back down. "Good grief, did you see that?" she asks her husband. He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around before it slams down. Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains what is happening, and demands an explanation. "Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?" The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise." You're going to love this.................... | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | | Ah... so sorry," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Tennis Bracelet A woman sees a beautiful tennis bracelet in a jewelry store window. She goes in and asks the clerk if a small deposit will hold it until her husband does something unforgivable. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------- No sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work anyway. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Food for Thought TWO MEN were talking about how bad their wives’ cooking was. “I don’t think you can top this,” the one fellow said. “My wife’s food is so bad, last summer the flies took up a collection to get the screen fixed.” -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Full of Wisdom A MAN walked into a dentist’s office and asked how much it would cost to extract wisdom teeth. “It costs $80,” the dentist replied. “That’s a ridiculous amount,” the man retorted. “Isn’t there a cheaper way?” “Well,” the dentist responded, “if I don’t use an anesthetic, I can knock it down to $60.” “That’s still too expensive,” the man answered. “Okay,” the dentist proposed, “if I simply rip out the teeth with a pair of pliers, I could get by charging $20.” “Nope,” moaned the man, “that’s still too much.” “Hmmm,” said the dentist, scratching his head. “If I let one of my students do it for the experience, I suppose I could charge you just $10.” “Marvelous,” exclaimed the man. “Schedule my wife for next Tuesday.” -------------------------------------------------------------------------- A FRIEND who’s into horse racing swears he overheard one horse say to another, “I recognize your pace, but I can’t remember your mane.” -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Do You Know Who I Am?” AN ELDERLY WOMAN walked into the local country church. The friendly usher greeted her at the door and helped her up the flight of steps. “Where would you like to sit?” he asked politely. “The front row, please,” she answered. “You really don’t,” the usher said. “The pastor is incredibly boring.” “Do you happen to know who I am?” the woman inquired. “No,” he said. “I’m the pastor’s mother,” she replied indignantly. “Do you know who I am?” he asked. “No,” she said. “Good,” he answered. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- The time to be happy is now. The place to be happy is here. Choose to BE HAPPY!!! Live Well Laugh Often Love Much SUBMITTED BY THE PIANO LADY (ELVA) SENT OUT IN EMAIL BY RUSS CLINTON POSTED NOVEMBER 24, 2005 CONTINUE TO PRAY FOR OUR SERVICE MEN AND WOMEN WHEREVER THEY MAY BE. |
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| MUSIC: 'FIVE FOOT TWO' Sequenced by Dick Anderson Permission Given |
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